


to understand

by WattStalf



Series: Femslash February 2017 [18]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: F/F, Femslash February, general warnings for haruna, no idea what this is supposed to be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-21 05:49:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9534392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WattStalf/pseuds/WattStalf
Summary: I know that you love me.





	

**Author's Note:**

> weird idea i have no idea what it is supposed to be i just kinda  
> did thing

Haruna wants to understand.

She wants to understand everything about the girl who overpowered her, the girl who is, in some ways, her superior, the girl who has shown her more love than she has ever experienced before. Anri Sonohara was not supposed to be stronger than her, and she was not supposed to gain a control that Haruna could not understand. It was supposed to be simple to take her out, but then...

But then everything changed before Haruna's eyes, and all she can do is wonder, and she wants to _understand_.

Anri doesn't love anybody, she says, and she isn't able to, she doesn't have  _the right to_ , but yet, when Haruna feels the love that comes from her, she knows that that simply is not true. Whatever the girl may say, she has a stronger love than anything Haruna has ever felt before, and whether that is entirely Anri or entirely Saika or a bit of both is honestly irrelevant.

She wants it for herself.

There are a variety of reasons for wanting it, the first and foremost being that she doesn't feel fit to show her love to the man who has her heart until she can fully grasp this new,  _more powerful_ love, but there is more than that. She wants to understand simply because it overpowers her and because it fascinates her and because she has to be strong too, and because she wants to win against Anri once and for all.

Haruna loves her; she understands that, at least, but if she is going to love her properly, she has to be stronger than her. She doesn't love Anri like she loves  _him_ , and she's certain that she doesn't love her as much, but there is no escaping the fact that a love exists in her heart that was not there before, and that Anri is responsible for it.

By that logic, she knows that she must love the girl, and that she must harness the sort of love the girl possesses. Only then can she love Anri properly, and only then can she free herself from the curse Anri's love has placed on her heart. Once she's achieved that, she should be able to move on completely and show  _him_ all the love he deserves, and forget all about the way Anri loves her or the way Anri loves others.

And, of course, there are others. She doesn't know them, but she feels everything that Anri feels, and she knows that there is love there, even if it is horribly, horribly suppressed. It isn't the sort of direct love that she's shown to Haruna, but it is there, and it infects her all the same. She has to do something about that as well, she has to do something about all of this, so that she can be free again.

Until she has gotten all of this additional love out of her system, she can't love  _him_ the way she needs to, and so, for now, she can't allow herself to think of him.

Instead, she puts all of her focus into Anri, into trying to find Anri and discovering her secrets and her weaknesses and how best to love her, and when she finds her, she approaches her without hesitation. She wears a smile on her face, just like the night they met, and she speaks to her.

“Hello, Anri.”

The younger girl goes white, stammering, “H-Haruna, I wasn't...I wasn't expecting to see you...”

“Ever again? I'm sure you weren't. After all, you really humiliated me back then, didn't you? Why would I ever come near you again?”

“Is there something you need?” She can tell that Anri is getting nervous, but that's to be expected, considering their very special relationship.

Haruna's smile grows as she says, “I just want to spend time with you, Anri. Don't you want to spend time with me?”

“H-huh? But why would you...and why would I...?”

“You don't have to play all shy, you know. It's okay to own up to your feelings and not suppress them. I know that you love me,” she says. “And it's okay, because I love you too, now.”

At that, Anri actually pulls back in surprise, color returning to her face as she blushes. “What are you saying? You shouldn't...”

“Oh, but it's okay for me to say it because it's all true! I felt it, you know? When you cut me, I really understood what it meant to be loved, and now I want to love you back!” she declares. “Please, Anri...and then, maybe we can help each other, and you can understand how to love...what were their names again? Mikado Ryuugamine and Masaomi Kida?”

When Haruna mentions their names, the other girl's eyes flash briefly, and her expression hardens. “Don't even think about going near them.”

“You don't need to be shy about them either. If you showed them the kind of love you showed me, they'd be just as helpless as I am,” replies Haruna. “Because, you know, I don't want to love you. If I had it my way, I'd be spending all my time on Takashi, but you filled my poor heart with all your love for me and all your love for them, and I have to get that out of my system.”

“It isn't like that.”

“Isn't it? You're entirely responsible for this, so you need to take some responsibility, right? All I want is to learn how to love you like you love me, and then...well, I won't spoil the ending, of course!” She leans in close, beaming, and Anri flinches but does not pull back, and there is hardly any space left between their faces. “Say, have you ever been kissed before? I have, but you probably already knew that. I bet you haven't, have you?”

“That's not...”

“I could show you what it's like, Anri. I could show you everything you've been missing out on, and then you'll be ready for those boys, won't you?” Brushing her hand against the other girl's, she starts to tilt her face forward, but Anri jerks back.

“St-stop it, people are-!”

“Oh, I forget how shy you are. You want to do this somewhere more private?”

“There's nothing to do. Haruna, listen to me,” she says, trying to sound firm, strong. “I'm sorry for what I had to do to you. I...I'm sorry for all the strange feelings it caused you. But I don't think you...I mean, I think you're just confused.”

“I see how it is. You don't want to see me right now? Well, we can always meet up later. I can be patient sometimes, too.”

“Haruna, that's not...I don't think you understand what I'm...”

“Oh, on the contrary, Anri. I understand perfectly,” she says, grinning before she turns to walk away. “I'll be seeing you again soon, don't worry!”

She pays no mind to Anri's protests as she walks away, feeling a bit lighter as she does. This love is different from what she's felt before, but it feels nice all the same. It feels so very nice to be falling in love.

 


End file.
